Sometimes I feel surrounded by darkness. I am saddened when people choose the dark. When they say the darkness is ok, even though it hurts others, tears them up, abuses them, isolates them. Instead of fighting it, they give into it. They choose to participate. I see it all around me. I want to scream “Don’t you know the truth? Do you know what that leads to?” And yet I too have participated and help feed the darkness. Every inch of me wants to fight it. I want to be a warrior for God. I want to fight it. My spirit cries within me, come Lord Jesus, come. Oh Jesus we need your light. People are choosing the darkness, because their deeds are evil. They love the darkness rather than the light. I see the innocent suffer. The abuse of alcohol. The drugs. The racism. The things they say don’t hurt, that don’t hurt others. They do. They do! Edmund Burke said it best “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.”
I have done nothing for a long time.
Lord, when I see darkness all around, I know that only you have opened my eyes. Is everyone asleep? Where are they? Why don’t they care? Am I asleep too? Oh God my heart is breaking, is broken. Jesus how can I be a light to this broken generation? How can I stop this sickness that seeps in? The sickness that I too want to ignore, because ignoring is easier than coming face to face with evil. Jesus why do you wait? I know you say that you want no one to perish, that you wait because you want more people to be saved. But people are dying, souls are perishing , the innocent suffer. How do I help? I feel so helpless in the face of evil. The shootings that happen miles away. The children abused so close to me. I feel helpless, and I want you to help me. I want you to show me the way to help others. Give me a way to help those. I pray, give me a cause. May I not sleep. May I not be silent.
I have kept my mouth shut before and I know, no one can tell me differently, there is blood on my hands. I know it. Maybe there is blood on all our hands, but for your grace that covers me, that covers us. God you know how weak I am. No one can tell me differently, I know that I am a coward. God you have used cowards before, Jacob, Gideon. I am a coward and I come to you begging you to give me the strength to fight for you. Use me because I don’t want to sit here and let one more person suffer. Open my mouth and let me speak the Truth. I am afraid of being judged by others. So be it. Judge me. I would rather be judged by mankind and come to you knowing that I have given my all.
I don’t want to sacrifice my creature comforts. Forgive me. Help me to see that any sacrifice I make to help others is worth it, no matter if the outcome is perfect or if it is imperfect. Wash me savior, or I die. Make the sadness that I feel not just be sadness. Help me to take action, to DO something. Change my heart and may it not stay the same.