Crumbs of Life

crumbs

 

My little boy would not stay in nursery again.  It has been months of Sundays that they page me because he will not stop crying.  Normally it does not bother me, I love holding him.  Our church is currently under construction.  This will end soon, but right now when you are in the foyer you can hardly hear the words spoken from the pastor.  This morning, this Sunday, I was disappointed.  I needed a word from God and I realized I was going to have to be ok to just hear a snippet.  I would have to be ok with a crumb.

 

I am tired and my baby is still waking me up early.  Its better, so much better.  But I still need to find time to rest.  Resting is hard for me.  I want to conquer the world for Jesus.  But the Lord doesn’t want me to do that.  I need to rest, to sit, to dwell, in order for me to be able to take care of my kids and to be the person that He created me to be.

 

Life has exploded this year with the addition of our third child, ministry, and my decision to start blogging.  These are all really amazing things, but it can leave me very depleted.  I am someone who needs time to think things through, time to dream, time to be alone with my ideas and thoughts, time to even read a great fiction book that will take me into another world.

 

My word for the year has been rest.  “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength” Isaiah 30:15.  I believe it has been my word for the year because it is that important to make sure I am filling myself up in order to give to others. Holley Gerth says this: “The One who loves me is gently showing me how to shift, adapt, and allow seasons of rest between seasons of pushing hard.” I need to let go of the guilt I feel for taking care of myself.

 

The reason I don’t want to rest is because I feel all that I can offer to the Lord and to others is crumbs.  I offer Him the crumbs of my time.  I can offer him  a snippet in between the jelly sandwich  and chasing down the ten month old from sticking his hands in the toilet (again!).  Giving just a crumb is hard for me.  I do believe that motherhood is a high calling, yet it is hard to see the difference you make in their lives when they are so little.

 

I just miss the times that I can go deep and be deep with others and with God.

 

I forget that the Lord is the multiplier.  He can take a crumb and make it into a meal that satisfies, sustains, uplifts and encourages.  These crumbs are all I have and I give them to you Lord.  Take them and reshape them into food that is good and nourishing.

 

It’s not about what I do, it is about what He does.  In this upside-down kingdom, he can take something so small and make it into enough for myself, for my children, for others.  He is the great multiplier.

 

He allowed me to see it, a tiny glimpse of turning crumbs into a meal.  My 5-year-old precious girl speaks, “Mommy let’s make shoeboxes for those kids that need it.  I’m going to create lots of things, bracelets and wands and put it in those shoe boxes for the kids that need it!”

 

Jesus feeds me the meal I need the most right now:  The tiny seeds planted in the hearts of our children blossom slowly and beautifully for his kingdom.

 

Jesus, help me to remember that you can take those little tiny offerings I give you and weave something beautiful out of them.

 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

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If you would like to know more about OCC Shoeboxes, please head over to Samaritan’s Purse.  This is a great way to help my children and myself  have a more compassionate heart.

 

I’m sharing my story over at Holley Gerth and Jennifer Dukes Lee today.

Ive linked also with Faith Along the Way  and Moms Morning Coffee.

*photo from Pixabay

 

 

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12 thoughts on “Crumbs of Life

  1. Liz Lassa

    “It is not about what I do. It is about what he does.” Love that line. Thank you for sharing from the heart.

    Reply
  2. sarahann1977

    What a blessing to find you through Coffee for your Heart! You and I are on the same page; longing to bold and big for God, yet making rest a priority so He can use us to the fullest. I started blogging in May and know the juggling act it can be trying to balance and do “it all”. May you rest in His peace today and draw strength from Him alone. It’s a blessing to connect and I’m a new follower! You can find me at http://faithalongtheway.com.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Sarah so glad you stopped by! It is hard to do life and take time to blog isn’t it? I didn’t realize how much time it would take, but I am so glad that I have started this journey. May the Lord bless you on yours as well.

      Reply
  3. Abby

    Oh, Kortney, I can so relate to this! I have gone through those seasons too, where my kids would not stay in the nursery and I felt so depleted, not being able to get that crumb I needed. This is just a season, though it may seem at times like it will never end, He is always there with you. Lifting you up today. So glad that we were close to being neighbors on Tell His Story.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Abby, thank you so much for stopping and taking the time to comment. This is a very busy (and somewhat depleting) season. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end! But it is also through the times when I feel the desperation as a mother that I find I am the closest to God. I am thankful that I have to find my dependency on Him.

      Reply
  4. Linda@Creekside

    Dear Kortney … I remember those days … the exhaustion, the depletion, the crumbs, if that.

    And yet, despite it all {or maybe because of it},you have offered us a feast here today. And that, dear lady, is such amazing grace, isn’t it …

    Thanks for stopping by and introducing yourself today. It truly is very good to meet you.

    Reply
  5. Tricia Clarke

    Your honesty and writing are a gift Kortney. Thank you for sharing this struggle, and how you are learning from it! To rest can be hard, and yet you are realizing it is not what we do–your phrase is perfect, like Liz said. It is what HE does with us. I love hearing your perspective.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Thank you so much Tricia! I need to remind myself over and over-it is not what we do. He did it all and I need to rest in Him. Thanks for giving me a super dose of encouragement that you have! You shine brightly for Him!

      Reply

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