Searching for Approval

writebravely2

 

Balancing time on the internet and the time in the real world is a struggle for me.  I have committed to taking off a day a week to unplug and recharge. I originally started with Mondays, but I finally realized that Sundays really are the best day of the week to have a Sabbath rest for me. It truly is wonderful to not be on my computer. This is especially true since I have started blogging, which causes me to spend more time on the internet.  Committing to one  day off of the computer a week  has created a space to rest for me. This has become very replenishing for me and a needful break from something that I love, but that I need to have limits on.

 

I find though, that during the week, I still look to Facebook and Twitter for validation. I search for validation, when I really should be finding it in God. A  large part of me is a people pleaser. I want people to pat me on the back. I want people to tell me how good of a job I am doing. I wish I could rip this part out of me. I want to follow God when he says to stop finding approval from people, but rather, to find approval in Him.  This is a sin that so easily entangles me.

 

When I feel this deep burning inside of me to find affirmation from others, I am trying to remember who I am in Christ: I am a treasured possession. I am royal. I am chosen. I am dearly loved.

 
What if every time I felt the need for validation from others, instead of checking my email or Facebook, I turned to God instead? I want to let His grace define me. He saved us, not because of the righteous things we have done, but because of his mercy. I need to live in that freedom of forgiveness, knowing that I don’t need to earn His approval, and I certainly don’t need to earn anyone else’s approval.

 

I don’t want anything to stick to me but God’s grace. It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 

I need you Jesus. I don’t want to be like King Saul, who was more fearful of the Israelites than he was fearful of you.  I care a lot about what people think of me. I care so much more than I wish I did. Free me of this burden. Help me to find verses that show me who I am in you. May I remember that I am special to you and that you love me no matter what I do for you.  You love me even if I mess up. God, I want to experience more of your grace. You know what a rule follower I am. This gets in the way of experiencing your love and grace. God, I ask that not by might, nor by power, but by your Spirit you will help me to lean on your love and grace more than I lean on finding approval and validation from any other source. Jesus I cannot do this without you.  I cannot do this in my own strength. Lord, you have placed your Spirit inside of me.  Your Spirit will help me to live in your love and grace.

 

 

 
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17 thoughts on “Searching for Approval

  1. Shane

    So true! Im pulling myself back A LOT! At the Living Proof Simulcast Beth Moore said ..we will in a world of many contacts, but no real connections. We look to social media for an ego need…. It will never be enough. KEEP UP THE GREAT WRITING!

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Hi Shane! I am sadly finding that is so true, we live in world with a lot of contacts but not personal connections. Women really need personal contact! Keep reaching them Shane, we need women like you who care. Love you!

      Reply
  2. Anita Ojeda

    Aargh! I do the same thing (look for validation on Facebook)–it’s such an insidious addiction, isn’t it? But you’re right–our validation should come from our Heavenly Father–otherwise, it’s not long-lasting, life-changing validation–it’s just a bunch of tweets and likes.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Anita, you are so spot on with how addicting validation is through Facebook and twitter. It never used to bother me, and then, boom!, I found I was addicted. How do I get so caught up in the tweets and likes? It seems almost silly when I take a step back from it. Actually, that is why having a day off of the computer is helpful for an addictive personality like me! Thanks for stopping by!!!

      Reply
  3. Sybil Brun

    Oh how I appreciated the honesty and vulnerability in this post as well! I find myself sucked into the same and am also a people pleaser. What I wouldn’t give to rip that part out of me too! All I want is to find my approval and identity in Him alone! Thank you Kortney.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Sybil, I find that it is so easy to get caught up in how other people perceive me. I want so much to be liked. One of the things that I actually am praying is that God helps me develop more thick skin, so that when other people judge me-whether correctly and incorrectly, I can just let there comments roll off my back. And then remember-I am known and loved by the one True King! Thanks for stopping Sybil!

      Reply
  4. karrileea

    I love that you have set aside a day to be completely unplugged… and oh my – yes, I think we all turn to others instead of Him alone for validation and approval! I think in being open and honest about it – it helps to set us free! Thankful that we are neighbors today over at Holleys! Your post reminds me of Love Idol by Jennifer Lee… which I highly recommend!

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Karrileea-I have actually not read that book but should read it! It truly is refreshing to have a day to be unplugged. I actually love it, although my fingers want to check my email a couple times from habit! Thank you so much for stopping!

      Reply
  5. Kathryn Shirey

    You know, I find these days that my Facebook and Twitter feeds are full of God messages – posts and quotes and articles shared that are uplifting and full of scripture, status updates about prayer requests and where God’s at work in the world. I guess I’m more drawn to these – and keep filtering out the people/feeds that drag me down. It hard not to look at the number of likes or views on my posts, but I try to keep focused on the good parts of social media so at least some of my time there is productive.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Kathryn, It is a blessing that you have been able to whittle down to listening to the positive voices on facebook and twitter. I too occasionally have to rule one out if it really is bringing me down. Thank you so much for stopping by!

      Reply
  6. deyarrison

    One big saving grace for me was how God helped me learn to look also to MYSELF to receive the validation and connection I was longing for. As I transformed my inner conversation from self-criticism and self-doubt to self-support and self-love, WOW! Everything changed. I am no longer held bound by external approval and comparisons. Praise God!
    Found your post through Thought-Provoking Thursday.

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Yes! So True! Also when we are comparing we aren’t necessarily letting God’s message settle into our hearts, we are too focused on what others are doing and saying, at least I find that is true. Thank you for stopping!

      Reply
  7. Surrounded by the Spirit

    Hi Kortney! I am coming over from Deb’s blog.
    What a great thought…to turn to God for validation, not to each other. That’s something I need to work on daily. Of course we all need to encourage each other, it’s part of our mission on earth, but the Lord is our ultimate goal. So he should be my ultimate goal for support.
    So nice to meet you! I know you are off today, enjoy your Sabbath rest.
    Ceil

    Reply
    1. kortneystanis Post author

      Thank you so much for stopping Ceil! I too am SO glad to have friends and other women who offer encouraging voices to me. They truly are the hands and feet of Christ to me. May Jesus be who I choose to find my validation in.

      Reply

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